By: Coach Ropa
The topic of relationships nowadays often leads to one word being brought up in the middle of the discussion – heartbreaks. Relationships in their complexity are one of the most sought-after things in life with many hoping to meet “the one”. Some are lucky enough as they meet people who they end up getting married to – they end up having the so-called “happily ever after”. However, not everyone gets to meet their “one” at the very first attempt. With that being said, it is safe to say that one should always be ready for anything when they get into a relationship. A heartbreak can catch you unaware, but like anything else, you can move from it and start on a clean slate.
There is so much that one can do when they intend to deal with heartbreak, whether it is the very first heartbreak from your “first love” or one of the many heartbreaks you have experienced. The most outstanding way has got to be acceptance. Sounds simple but it is not as easy as it sounds. Faced with overwhelming emotions, a thousand thoughts clouding your judgment, the last thing you want to be thinking about is accepting the fact as it is – you just had your heartbroken. The only way for you to move on for sure is by accepting that your heart is broken. By simply accepting that you got heartbroken, you are channeling your energy and redirecting it towards your healing, that way you can move on freely.
Erase and get rid of anything that could trigger your memory and remind you about the person who hurt you. Living in a digital world makes every single piece of information easily accessible. Now, the last thing you would want when you are trying to heal from heartbreak would be seeing pictures or anything that could remind you of the person you are trying to forget about. Getting rid of anything that reminds you of your previous relationship or the person who left you heartbroken is a step to take if you are looking into getting pure healing for your heart and your mind. Look at it this way, throwing away all the things be it clothes or gifts that could have you shedding tears as you think about the pain you are feeling and deleting the pictures is simply taking out the trash.
Heartbreaks in their nature are very much intense. You will go through so many emotions all at once but that is perfectly normal. Many at times feel the urge to quickly get over a relationship that went wrong and forget about it as soon as it happens, they move past it so fast like it never happened! If you want to set yourself free from all the trauma that could possibly come from avoiding the pain of heartbreak then start allowing yourself to feel the pain. Emotions are complex, heartbreaks are filled with intense emotions throughout the entire healing process.
It is completely normal for you to feel like you never want to meet the person who broke your heart, it is also fine for you to feel like you should give the person another chance hoping they do better this time around. These are all emotions and thoughts running through your mind and that is fine. Healing only comes when you allow yourself to feel every bit of the pain and let it out into the universe. Pain demands to be felt. As gruesome and hurtful as it will be, you need to feel it all. That way you give yourself time to process all your feelings, how you felt during the relationship, how you felt when the breakup happened and how you feel now. All that could help you the next time you meet someone new. Stop avoiding the pain and allow yourself to go through it!
Anger, bitterness, and sadness – these are just emotions and feelings. Heartbreaks will leave you feeling like your world just got broken into a million pieces, and that is okay, it is just an emotion and it will pass. What is not okay is feeling sorry for yourself and not allowing yourself to heal. Regardless of what led to the heartbreak, never let your heart be heavy on all those negative emotions for too long. Accept that you did get heartbroken, allow yourself to feel the pain and realize how to deal with it, and let go of all the negative emotions so that you can heal. Let go of what was and lean onto what can be, what you can be once you allow yourself to heal. Healing cleanses the heart and you need that if you want to deal with heartbreak.
One of the problems that make many people stay hung up on heartbreaks and their previous relationships is the fact that they do not open up to the idea of forgiveness. Imagine you teamed up with someone and the two of you are carrying a heavy load. The weight is light when you both carry the load as it will be shared equally, but when you have to carry it alone – it becomes too heavy. That is how heartbreaks are like. All the pain, the anger, the bitterness, and sadness is all on you because you have been hurt. You need to move past that by forgiving the person who broke your heart. Forgiveness plays such a pivotal role in how one moves on and acts when they move to their next relationship.
The reason why many people end up acting out in some relationships is the need to play the revenge card and have an outlet for the pain they held on to. They yearn to take their pain out on someone else who does not even have an idea where it is coming from, someone who does not deserve it. Forgive the person who hurt you – even if you think they do not deserve your forgiveness, just forgive. Do not let bitterness and anger weigh you down and be heavy on your heart- free your heart and free yourself. Forgive yourself too, even if you were not wrong, forgive yourself for being in that situation. Be the bigger person and forgive.
Heartbreaks are a rollercoaster of emotions and thoughts. It will take time for you to fully get over all those feelings and move past the pain. It is not the end of the world. Accept the pain, heal from it and get on with your life.
Ropa Duwati is a writer, mental health activist, gender activist, and blogger.
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WordPress: The Lady Today
Email: theladytodayblog@gmail.com
