Chiedza Princily Mandinika
Women Talk: MotiMagz
It’s sad that society has turned the struggles faced by single mothers into jokes and memes. Anyone who was raised by a single mother will tell you this, there is nothing funny about watching your mother struggle alone to put you through school, struggle to put food on the table, struggle to make sure you have a roof over your head. The strength of a woman is measured by how much hurt, pain and struggle she can take and each time women think they have made it, society raises the bar. You are a single mother taking care of your children all by your lonesome self, just when you think you are doing a good job, society tells you you ain’t done nothing special. We have normalised women struggling so much so we make them its now okay to downplay our struggles.
I would like to take this opportunity to write this open letter to all Single Mothers out there….
Dear Single Mom
Hi my dear sister, name is Chiedza Princily Mandinika, I am 30 years old and I am a single mom to a soon to be 3 year old little boy.
I know movies and magazines at times tend to glamourize single motherhood and society makes you feel like you are failing if ever you show any signs of cracking under all that pressure you are under. Day in day out, you feel the need to make it look easy, you can’t afford to look like you are failing.
I need you to understand something my dear, you don’t have to make it look easy because it is not. All those sleepless nights, not knowing what you are going to feed your child, not sure if you’ll make rent or their school fees, knowing very well you are all those children have and that giving up is not option, all those long hours you spend working over time just so you can make a little extra cash, the days and nights you spent at the hospital with your baby, all alone with no one to lean on, the father not reachable, wondering if you made the right choice keeping that pregnancy, the emotional torture of not knowing what tomorrow’s holds, its not easy. You do not owe anyone anything except your children even them you only owe them a happy mom the rest you all it to yourself.
Being a single mom is a crown, wear it with pride, when you are down always remember to Stand By Tombs and Weep, weep if you need to, cry, breakdown, scream if you have to, but keep standing, you do not have to make it look easy, own your truth and keep standing.
In one of her sermons, Sarah Jake’s speaks of Standing By Tombs and Weeping, she remarks “The reason some of us ,made it this far is because we learned to Stand By Tombs and Weep, I did not give up when I thought it was over, I did not give up when I thought it was gone, I learned to stand by tombs and weep“. The need to make it all look easy with drain your soul.
Always remember that Jesus Christ already died for you, he died a very painful and humiliating death just so you live an abundant, favoured, joyful life. It’s time you stop living by people’s standards, the “The Struggle is Real” standards, struggling is not your portion, pain is not your portion, poverty is not your portion. Do you know that you have power to control your finances, to control your destiny, to control your future. It’s time you take a stand, choose and start living the life you envisioned, being a single mother is not a death sentence to your dreams and hopes. Go back to school if you have to, start a small business sell tomatoes for a start if you have to, just do something, start somewhere. You were not put on this earth to live a terrible life, refuse that life.
Make everyday your success story, you do not have to be extraordinary just make sure you make extraordinary choices each day. Make the choice to wake each morning, adjust your crown and fight your good fight. You are already doing a good job don’t let anyone tell you any different.
I know society labels you,some people assume just because you at a single mother you are loose or that you are a failure, remember there is nothing single about you, you have to give your children double the love, double the attention, double the affection and you have to work twice as hard, there is nothing single about you, your marital status is not a reflection of who you are as a mother, there is no double mother, in the end we are all mothers, this is why I’ve always been against the phrase “Single Mother”, there is no double or triple mother.
You have made it this far because you are strong, courageous and beautiful inside and out. Don’t let society dictate who you are, “if they aren’t your maker they don’t get to be your mirror”, teach yourself to shut out the noise. Noise in this instance is anything said by people who actually don’t matter in your life that goes against you being an amazing woman and a good mother, that right there is noise, shut it out.
Lastly never forget who you are, if all the pain, stress and hurt has caused you to lose yourself, please find yourself again, you can, you are a Queen, so show up as one, show up at your business, your job, home, church, supermarket, the streets, everywhere you go, show up as a Queen. Keep fighting your good fight, you are not alone, you have a myriad of sisters rooting for you.
You are worthy
You are enough
You are beautiful
You are abundance
You are hope
You are faith
You are joy
A Sister Who Knows The Journey.